Happy Thanksgiving!

For each and every one of my friends who have been so supportive of my efforts this year, I wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving!

Thankful to still be a daughter

Fall has always been my favorite season of the year, the colors, coolness in the air, what's not to love? It was Dad's fave as well, which made it especially difficult when he passed away unexpectedly at 61 in late October, six years ago. Every Thanksgiving since then has been bittersweet with happy reminiscences comingled with the memories of the raw shock of that first holiday season without him.

A year ago, my remaining parent was literally fighting for her life. She had been diagnosed with leukemia in May, fought a losing battle with chemotherapy over the summer, and nothing was helping to stem the advance of the cancer in her blood and bone marrow. With the classification that she fell into, her prognosis at the time of diagnosis was less than a year.

Then a miracle happened...her doctor was able to convince the insurance company to approve a bone marrow transplant despite her age (63) being beyond their normal range. That was followed closely by a second miracle...she didn't have to wait for a donor match. Her brother, who lived 4 miles away from her and was still in good health at 65, tested to be a perfect match for donation. Sibling donations have the highest success rate, and we crossed our fingers that Mom could hold out long enough to stabilize for and undergo the god-awful pre-procedure chemo and radiation.

So on November 25th last year, she was given the transplant, and we waited while her body fought both the cancer and the 'invading' new bone marrow cells. That Thanksgiving was filled with worry and hope.

As December began, she started slipping away. Her counts were proceeding 'normally', but she was becoming delirious and eventually unresponsive. An unexpected allergic reaction to her anti-rejection medication sent her into a coma due to fluid buildup in the brain called PRES syndrome. 2000 miles away, I could only wait for news. She was moved to intensive care and the second week of December I received a call needing permission to place her on a ventilator as a respiratory infection set in.

At that point I could wait no longer, and scheduled my flight to South Dakota. I hadn't seen her since August, and barely recognised her; her hair was gone, she was 30 pounds lighter, and all the medical support equipment... I walked into her empty house alone that night and it was the strangest sensation, as if she were already gone.

I sat by her bed for nearly a week with no response. I'd had the irrational thought that once there, she'd hear my voice and open her eyes, but that only happens in fiction I suppose. I lotioned her feet, tried to keep her bloody tears from drying on, and tried to talk. It was hard to know what to say, again where the movies and fiction have it wrong. Her hand was warm but dead in mine. During this time, her only movements were occasional gagging motions, and I asked, begged, pleaded, and finally demanded they remove the breathing tube. Their response was that she'd met every protocol except one; she had to be responsive before removal.

I was stymied by ICU staff and resp therapists at every turn until one day I finally spoke to the Pulminologist on the phone and reminded him that she's been unresponsive for days before insertion. After securing my permission to reinsert if she went south, he approved the removal, much to the dismay of the resp therapist who'd smugly handed me the phone in the first place, sure that the doc would support her instead of me.

She and the ICU nurse went through the shut-down and pulling of the tube. It was awful watching my mom's body fighting and gagging. But it was finally out.

Then her eyes opened...

After weeks in a coma, when that tube came out, she just...woke up. The nurse asked if she knew who I was, and she said in a raspy, but clearly disgusted voice, "Of course! That's my daughter." (Oh, that's my mama. You tell 'em, Mom.)

While she'd been laying there, her body had been accepting the transplant. They moved her back up to oncology the next morning (that was a jolt, coming into her ICU bay and having it be empty!), and I flew home the day after, on Christmas Eve, to be with my girls for the holiday. And only two weeks later, she went home. Her mom, my grandma, who was 87, moved out to the farm to spend the rest of the SD winter with her and take care of her 'little girl' during her recovery.

Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of her transplant, and she is 100% donor cells and cancer-free. Her vision is still recovering, so she can't read...a huge blow for the person I inherited my bookishness from. And her hair is slow to grow back. But she is driving again and doing for herself. Moreover, she's still herself, still Mom, still Mimi to my two girls and my brother's new baby boy, something that I almost gave up hope on during my vigil last winter.

Back 'round to Thanksgiving again, I am so thankful that my small family is not one person less this year. We had every reason to expect that she could be gone by now, but a few miracles later and I have something very real and concrete to be thankful for...my mom's future.

Femdom, Gender Roles & Breaking Free

This week on Oh Get A Grip!, we are discussing Femdom. With my limited knowledge base, I am leaving the meat of the discussion to some of my more knowledgeable blog partners and our special Saturday guest, William Gaius. So hop on over today for my post on traditional gender roles and my adventures in breaking free, and check back in all week as my coauthors give their takes on this fascinating topic.

Friday Flash Fiction

Nina knew enough about the marital act to know that what was pressed insistently against her back was supposed to go into her down there, and that was what would ruin a maiden. So what could Miles possibly do to her with his breeches fastened?

As if privy to her thoughts, he slid his hands under her buttocks and lifted her from the seat, moving slightly until she was sitting on his lap, the iron firmness now nestled between her globes, and his legs between hers, pressing gently but inexorably outwards until they were holding hers far apart...

See who else has posted Friday Flash Fiction, and join the list with your own! 

Meme Bumped Hump Day...Pretty Trios

On the downhill slide from hump day into Thursday since I wanted to give the meme a bit of page time.
Since we had to pick our fave m/m/m pairing, let's continue the theme, shall we?

M/M Meme...Thanks Shawn...(& EH...& Lily...you most of all scarecrow, uh, Kris)

Hmmm, in a twisted way I'm flattered that I rank up among Shawn's Top Two to tag.  I'll conveniently ignore that it most likely means I'm one of the most gullible suckers best friends she could think of.  So by way of Shawn Lane, and Erotic Horizon, and Lily at I Love Books, back to the instigator Kris 'n' Good Books, here is my M/M Meme:


I didn't have anything better to do today. Really. ;)

Rules:

1. Answer all the questions below in either the comments here or post it on your own site. If you post it on your own site you have to come back and give the link here so I/Kris can mosey on over and see if you have a sticky beak.

2. You have to tag two other people once you’re done and pester them relentlessly until they do the meme too.

3. Instead of a meme image thing you have to post a cookie, preferably a twofer. It is an m/m meme after all. ;)

Questions:

1. How long have you been reading GLBTQ fiction?  8 glorious months

2. What was the first book you read in this genre? (sorts e-library by date) First m/m interaction was in a m/m/f, Simply Sinful by Kate Pearce.  First strictly m/m story was Diving In Deep by KA Mitchell.

3. Are you 'out' as a reader? Yes. Now that I write it, it's a given, however I don't chat about it casual convo!

4. Ebooks, print or both? Mostly e-books, have only a select few in paperback.

5. Do you buy direct from publishers or from secondary sellers? A mix of both, depending on the incentives.

6. Prove you're a Book Slut. How many books would you say you buy a week? I'm down to about 3-5 a week now that I proof a ton and get to FLE a lot for free...in advance. :)

7. Are you a cover, blurb or excerpt buyer? Blurbs hook me, excerpts reel me in. Covers are a nice bonus. And of course, I stalk my fave authors.

8. Yeah, you read reviews, but do you actually take notice of them? Yes, but I give the benefit of the doubt. Some I've enjoyed have been panned, and some that are acclaimed, I couldn't get into. So I read 'em, then make up my own mind.

9. Who's your fave publisher? Tough call. Partial to TEB and DSP of course since I'm pubbed with them. Also like LI.

10. What about authors? Your top two only!!  Ack!  Grrrr!  KA Mitchell and JL Langley

11. Is there a sub-genre you particularly dis/like? Love well done historicals and crazy about paranormal.  Probably my least fave is heavily S&M BDSM, although some authors do it very well.

12. Short or long?? *rolls eyes* And, no, I'm not talking about cocks. Up the middle? (bats eyes)  Long enough to tell a complete story, short enough to read in one sitting.  Long novella is probably my fave, although traditional e-book novel length is fine.

13. Anything turn you off about m/m or is all just glorious smut to you? Hmmm, well not a huge fletching fan (gag).

14. Finish this sentence. You know it's m/m twu wuv when...you want to share it with the world.

15. What trope or theme are you heartily sick of in m/m romance? I'm with EH on this one, the horrible gruesome emotional train wreck of a past for one or both characters. Sometimes my disbelief that one person could have to endure that much bad luck pulls me right out of the story.  **Except when Shawn does it.

16. If you could choose any 3 characters for a m/m/m who would they be? Versatile Noah from Diving In Deep by KA Mitchell, Naughty Clark Sterling from Most Likely To Succeed by Shawn Lane, and Irresistable Mark Richfield from loads of GA Hauser's stories.

17. What new GLBTQ release are you most hanging out for right now? Ticket to Ride by Shawn.

18. What GLBTQ book has completely blown you away this year?  Wow, tough questions. Umm, one that's a bit off the usual mention radar was Single White Knight by Brynn Paulin. 

19. What do you think we'll see more of in m/m romance in 2010? Paranormals and suspense seem to be popular. More to do with gay rights/marriage most likely.

20. Don't you agree that author Josh Lanyon should kill off arsehole character Jake Riordan? All I'm going to say is, everyone gets what's coming to them in the end.

Tag:

Sloan Parker

Bronwyn Green

In Sickness and In Hell... And A Sneak Peek Scene

This week on Oh Get A Grip!: 

How do you write sexy steamy stories when your temperature is over 103 degrees? Can you write a sex scene when you feel like your feet are about to come out your mouth and the toilet bowl is your best friend in the world right now? Basically, write about writing while sick. Do you do it, or do you crawl in bed and stay there until you feel well again?

See my take in writing while sick...a timely topic!  PLUS a hot-off-the-press scene from my just completed short story, Rough Road Home. All today at Oh Get A Grip!

New Cover & Look At My Fellow Authors...

...a freakin' Who's Who. I'm so excited to be sharing January's Gaymes anthology with Carol Lynne, Kim Dare, Jude Mason & Jenna Byrnes, Lisabet Sarai and Gwen Cease.  So who is that Devon person anyway? Lol!

Hump Day Help Wanted

Looks like these guys might need a bit of help getting the rest of their clothes off.  Any volunteers??

Writing Habits & My Cave

Visit Oh Get A Grip! today for the skinny on my writing life and a peek at where I'm sitting right now.

Waiting...

Seems a shame to bump my cuddles, I've been enjoying the sight of them, but alas, must move on!

Waiting...

I was letting my mind roam during a bit of scene break paralysis last night (sometimes it's hard being a panster), and a niggling bit of discomfort seemed to need solving.  I finally realized that I'm in a holding pattern in several areas of my life, and the waiting is starting to get to me.

I have two manuscripts submitted that I should hear back about by the middle of the month.  Both are with editors and publishers that I haven't worked with in the past. So no poking, like I can get away with at my current houses, just waiting patiently for news...trying not to stalk my inbox, lol.

I should be grateful that my fam & I don't have the flu, but this nagging, clinging cold that we all shared just isn't going away, three weeks so far and no end in sight. Starting to think we'll never feel healthy again!

My computer is on its last legs but made the decision to wait until after the New Year to buy a replacement. 

My next release is in December, so a whole month to go through before that excitement hits.  I know, I got spoiled with my 'bing, bing' first two releases.  Still...

The list could go on, but in the interest of time, I will cut it off at the top few.  I'm normally an extremely patient person, so the light anxiety that I finally diagnosed is really hard to get a handle on.  I can keep myself busy (and boy, have I!), but the unresolved items continuously circle in my head like so many vultures. 

So who else feels the waiting game anxiety and how do you handle it?

Hump Day Cuddles

On a day when a combination of a cold and not-so-great news from the outside world has me searching for comfort, here are some cuddles that lifted my spirits a bit. Enjoy!