Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Hop Against Homophobia: Why Did This Suburban Mom "Go Gay"?

Thanks for hopping, er, stopping here as a part of the Hop Against Homophobia weekend!

I don't have a well-structured discourse ready and honestly there are many people who are a part of this Hop who have amazing, heartwrenching, meaningful and inspiring stories to share, so I won't even try to go there. You can find the mission of the event on the main site. Instead, here are a few things personal to me that I have thoughts on.

I grew up in a very conservative household on the face of it. Dad was a career military officer, Mom an old-school homemaker from the Midwest. We lived in the 'burbs my entire life, and most of the people I knew were pretty much the same as us. But Dad was (looking back on it) a very open-minded and accepting man. He was a "people-person" and a very positive thinker, and I'm sure that's how his live-and-let-live philosophy was formed. I'm grateful that he passed along his tolerant mindset to my brother and me, and I have a feeling that if he'd still been alive when I began writing, my choice of genre wouldn't faze him in the slightest (though I'd probably have initially gotten "the eyebrow"...another thing he passed along to me).

The question I'm asked most often about those I know in real life boils down to this: Why did I "go gay"? It's a good question, and one I've tried to get to the root of. The first manuscript I wrote was het, the second was a MMF menage, and the third--my first published--(and on and on after that) was MM. I had a much easier time writing my male characters and liked them much more than female ones. I think part of it was that I was always judging my female characters against myself. In any case, if writing men came easily, why not write two male leads? The rest is history.


The second most popular question is, how do I write gay love scenes? Um...it's called an imagination and creativity. And a little bit of "research", I'll admit. But really, to me it's no different than writing a character who is an athlete, even though I've never been one. Or writing a story whose characters live in a large, urban center, even though I never have.

I have two school-age daughters and I'm in the odd (to me) position of making sure to "normalize" GLBTQ relationships to them. I honestly don't get why some people are so against something that has no bearing on their own life. Anyway, so I try to make sure to include same-sex pronouns or examples of things from time to time. I'm sure they'll get enough het input from society as a whole without me adding to it.

I had a moment where I wondered if I'd failed in this when we were in line for the Matterhorn at Disneyland last year behind an adorable gay couple (Nicholas and Eric) who smooched and cuddled while they waited, to my (at the time) 8 year old's evident dismay, judging by her staring and "hmph"ing and eye-rolling. I finally got the nerve to ask her what was wrong. She pointed right at them and replied, "They both get hats with their names on them and I know if I ask you for one, you're going to say no."


Apparently the only thing wrong with what she was watching up-close for 40 minutes was that they got cool hats and she didn't.

As a parent, I can live with that.

*******

I'd love to give away a choice of ebook and some GRL 2011 swag to a commenter! Who knows what might be in the box, but it'll be fun to see! :) Thanks for hopping by and after you comment, go HERE to find links to all the stops.

38 comments:

  1. For someone who claims there wasn't a "well-structured discourse" this was great. : )

    cojazzchick AT yahoo DOT com

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  2. Love this - and hats are always good!

    albrookeATmeDOTcom

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  3. Your story was excellent!! I also think you are doing a great job with your kids!!! They'll pave the way for more open mindness ;-)

    Meka - mekaga85@gmail.com

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  4. I can totally understand the anger over not having a Mickey ears hat! Goes to show kids learn bigotry, they're not born with it.

    Great post :^)

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  5. Awesome post Devon. Thanks for sharing. Your dad sounds like a great guy and your daughter sounds adorable. Did you ever get her a cool hat? That's the question. I for one am glad that you decided to "go gay," I never would have met you at GRL if you hadn't.

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  6. I love that story about your daughter. :)

    No need to enter me in the contest.

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  7. Great post. Who wouldn't want Mickey ears! My daughter still has her mickey hands. I do try to instill acceptance of others regardless to my children - hope its working!
    Suze
    Littlesuze@hotmail.com

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  8. Ok that's totaly cute, did she get the hat? :)

    anzuazura at yahoo dot de

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  9. Thanks Devon... I agree with your daughter, the hats are cool:)

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  10. Such a lovely post :) Thanks for taking part in the hop!

    kimberlyFDR@yahoo.com

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  11. I agree with your daughter, I want one of those hats too!

    Great post. I have to get to writing mine.

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  12. I just love your post.

    dannyfiredragon@aol.com

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  13. Okay your daughter is just too adorable. I, for one, am glad you've "gone gay".

    morris.crissy@gmail.com

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  14. Thank you for sharing this with us today

    musings-of-a-bookworm@hotmail.co.uk

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  15. You should be proud of your daughter and yourself, good job.

    andreagrendahl AT gmail DOT com

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  16. Loved the post. Do hope your daughter got her hat!

    AvalieReads(at)aol(dot)com

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  17. Great post. Out of the mouths of babes- hopefully there will come the day when seeing two men (or two women) so very much in love in public- there will only be a complaint of not getting the cool hat they had on and not a complaint of who they were in love with. tb-kindle@hotmail.com

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  18. ya know its too bad more adults can't learn from children because the world would be a better place

    parisfan_ca@yahoo.com

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  19. I'm happy to see the next, more open-minded, generation growing :D.

    Joan
    0401romance(at)gmail(dot)com

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  20. My Father also pass his view on to all 5 of his children. Him and our Mom were right there with us picking up are neighbor's son belongings when they through him out for being gay!

    MFierydrgn@aol.com

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  21. Thanks for participating in this hop and for the great post I believe the future generations will have to get it right.

    See you at GRL

    normanielsen@bigpond.com

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  22. I enjoyed your post. So did you ever get your daughter her hat with her name on it? ;)

    penumbrareads(at)gmail(dot)com

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  23. You gotta love your daughter! :-D
    And yeah, those questions... do people really think we only write what we know? Tsk! Boooring! ;-)
    Barb

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  24. If only everyone was as accepting as your daughter there would be no need for blog hops. Nice post. Thank you. :)

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  25. Awww gotta love kids, they know about the important things in life!

    ineedtoread76 [at] gmail.com

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  26. Great post. Thanks for participating in the HOP.

    gisu29(at)gmail(dot)com

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  27. Great post. That's just so adorable. They get cool hats and I don't! I did something similar when I was younger except the guy I was staring at finally turned and asked me and I told him that I wanted his Scooby shirt. Thanks for sharing and participating!!

    tiger-chick-1 (at) hotmail (dot) com

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  28. Cute story, thanks for sharing. kids are so awesome.
    pantsoffreviews@livedotca

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  29. I love that your daughter was only upset about the hats. So great and a true testament that you are, indeed, passing on your dad's live-and-let-live philosophy. This is fantastic. Thanks for speaking out this weekend. Big hugs!

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  30. I'm a straight woman and I adore reading m/m romance. I think most of the m/m books I have read were written by women. All I am looking for is a good story and a HEA. Throw in a couple of hot guys and I'm all over it. LOL

    geishasmom73 AT yahoo DOT com

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  31. I showed a bunch of these post to the teens in my family to show them how hurt some "innocent" remarks are to many others. I get so annoyed when my nephew says "you're so gay". ERRRR drove me crazy. I know he didn't mean anything by it but it is so wrong to use that as a saying. I think that these post have helped. Thank you all for sharing with us!
    forettarose@yahoo.com

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  32. Loved the hat story, you are evidently doing a great job Mom. Maybe you could teach a class on parenting, just a thought. Love your books.

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  33. Thanks for the great post. I similar instance happened with me and my son when he was about 5. We were at the beach and two young men were holding hands and eating ice cream on the boardwalk. My son started throwing a fit and pointing. I had no idea why and thought..oh no...but he was concerned that they had ice cream and he didn't and wondered if they had eaten all their dinner first.
    Yvette
    yratpatrol@aol.com

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  34. Great post. Thanks for sharing. I have to ask though, did your daughter get a cool hat?

    lmbrownauthor at gmail dot com

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  35. Great post! The is for the giveaway too!

    Joyfullyjay at gmail dot com

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  36. LOL! Poor thing. Did she get a hat? ^.^

    Erica
    eripike at gmail dot com

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  37. I love that that is what is wrong, kids can say the most interesting/ amusing things sometimes.

    burchills AT gmail DOT com

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  38. You never know what kids will say, that is one reason I dread taking mine in public lol. Thanks for the post.

    peggy1984@live.com

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